If you’re looking for signs a married man is using you, maybe you need to start with the a reason you keep seeing him. Why do you keep coming back?
If you are seeing a married man, what is the true value to you in this situation? In the long-term, it’s not a great situation, but it can be a very exciting one for you. And as much as you love him, this relationship could cause irreparable harm to your self-esteem and your future life.
Although he may treat me well, it is not the same thing as receiving real value from him.
Why is this important? This is because your core attachment type largely determines and influences the outcome of your relationship. It is important to understand your core attachment style!
Does Dating a Married Man Really Offer You Value?
Here’s what I want to make sure you understand:
A guy who seems “nice enough” to you may not care about you and isn’t necessarily invested in your well-being.
You want a man who is invested and committed to you at the end of it all.
Here are some things we notice a lot about our work…
Over the past 12 years, I have received many emails from women who are married to men asking for information.
“I am seeing a man and all is well. How can I get him to divorce his wife?
You might already be aware that married men rarely leave their wives to marry their mistresses.
This alone is a good indicator that he is using your attention, money, and intimacy. You would feel the same if a married man was truly in love with your.
What would you say to him?
He would take his emotional resources away from his wife and give them .
While he may be still financially invested in his children and wife, a large portion of his attention will go to you.
Let’s now look at the signs a married man is using you and your body.
Sign #1: He doesn’t share much about his real life
He will not openly share his life if you ask him.
You may feel that he doesn’t deserve this information, as he doesn’t owe anything to you since you aren’t married and he’s not emotionally committed.
This sign could be an indicator that he will keep you as a side-piece in the future.
He may be keeping important information from you in order to keep you out of his private life.
Finally, if he isn’t willing to share much about his life it’s a sign that he wants protection for himself, his family, and his wife.
Sign #2: He doesn’t tell his wife about you
This is one of the most obvious signs a married man is using you, especially if they are separated and still married. If he refuses tell his wife about his affair with you, it is a sign he is loyal to you.
(If he is separated but still married, he could also be using your as a rebound .
You can be as specific as you like and insist that he tells his wife everything (and then leave her), but at end of the day, you’re still married.
Before you were born, he made promises to another woman. He may also be emotionally committed to his wife, and only use you for intimacy.
To be emotionally committed to you, a man must feel emotionally attracted to and have an emotional connection with you.
You may need to question him if you sense that he is emotionally committed to his wife, but only using you for intimacy. Why you are happy being a side dish.
Consider asking yourself these questions.
What are you getting from this situation?
What are you getting from it? Filling your heart and soul with love?
Is it possible that you are only satisfied with the surface parts of this man?
Because I know that it doesn’t matter how exciting the situation may be, a man will ever think about leaving his wife.
He must see you as his “one and only” woman.
My experience is that in most cases of a woman seeing a married man, his mistress is his one of many’ woman.
This is because he regards you as the same woman as any other attractive and willing to give him intimacy, company, and affection.
This is important:
Only when a man feels deep emotional attachment and deep emotional connection, can he have the chance to fall in love with your woman.
You can find out how to make yourself the only and only and what her traits are in my course.
This course promises to make your man fall in love with YOU.
Sign #3: He Pays for Your Silence
Maybe he gives you gifts every time you get upset or mention the affair to others.
Maybe he is offering or giving you money directly.
You might be so attached to him you are willing to threaten his wife with the affair, and he may give you money to keep it quiet.
What you are willing to accept in a relationship is also revealed by the fact that money has been moved in such a secretive manner.
If you are willing to accept money in return for silence, There’s a good possibility that you are using him as well.
And if you are using him, is that you really deserving?
This is because a man can pay for your silence in any manner. This is not love.
Transactions show that he doesn’t see, hear, or feel you as a person. Rather, he views you as an option.
He views you as an opportunity for him to experience something new and escape from the responsibilities in his life.
Sign #4 – He Lies About His Life
He lies about his job, his location, his time with his wife and how close he is to his wife.
To get away with his actions, he must lie. He won’t tell the truth, and it would make his life harder.
Sign #5 – You Always Come Second To The Wife
Most people would agree that a mistress should come second to the wife, or that a Mistress should not be in the picture.
However, mistresses don’t always think so. If fulfilling your desires and needs is an option for him, there’s a good possibility that he’s just using you.
Men are happy to keep women around, even if it isn’t too costly, as I have said before.
If a married man offers you nothing to keep you happy, while giving his wife all of his attention, money, and commitment, then he is most likely using you.
Sign #6: He Doesn’t Offer Empathy & Understanding
If you attempt to convey your feelings to him but he doesn’t seem interested or unable to feel what you are feeling, then he isn’t in the right place for you.
He doesn’t care much about you, but he does care about what he can do for you.
One of the signs that a man is using you is if he is not able or willing to show empathy and understanding.
However, this doesn’t necessarily mean he is a user to all, though!
This could be a sign that you aren’t inspiring him to feel for yourself. It’s not easy to show vulnerability if you don’t have high-value values.
- Take a test to find out if he really cares.
- Encourage men to feel for you, and to commit to you emotionally.
Sign #7 – He Drops you When You Don’t Offer Intimacy
This is one sign that a married man is using your body. If you refuse to offer him intimacy, he will shut off, threaten to leave, criticize you, or leave for good.
This is a painful truth. A man who loves a woman will stay with her even if there’s no intimacy.
Ladies, it’s true – a man who is in love with a woman will stay around, even if intimacy is not on the table. It may take some time before a man falls in love with you.
If this sounds unbelievable, it is a sign that you view relationships as transactions.
This could also indicate that you have never experienced such love from a man and therefore don’t believe it exists.
If this is true, let me assure that you there are thousands upon thousands of women experiencing this type of love right now.
This is called romantic love. Romantic love is when you feel in love with someone.
Sign #8 – You Think He Has Other Women
A married man who has more than one mistress is likely to have other mistresses or be looking for them.
There are many sperm-producing men. If he is unfaithful or in love with his wife, then there is a possibility that he will be unfaithful.
If he is truly in love with your, then it’s not true. A married man falling in love with his mistress is a completely different situation.
He’s less likely to see other mistresses in this situation because his energy and time will be devoted to the woman he is currently falling in love.
Sign #9 – He is always looking at or checking out other women
This sign is a bit tied to the previous sign…
Nothing is more telling that a married man uses you than his constant wandering eyes.
This shows that he is looking for some gold in a sea full of women. He doesn’t care who he sleeps alongside, so long as she is willing.
This means that you are not his only woman, and he would love to have the affection of any other attractive woman.
I can recall a man who was married with two children at my gym when I was around 20 years old trying to talk to us. He complimented me and offered to take my out on dates.
Although he had plenty of money, he was not able to invest in other important measures such as being more responsible and less desperate.
While his attention was mostly directed at me, probably because I was the most friendly of the young women present, I knew that he would have taken any woman he could get.
He was persistent despite my lack of interest. I was not interested in him but he kept trying. He gave me access to a bar that he owned, where I could enjoy free drinks.
(And this is something that I don’t like …).
He would always approach me when he was at the gym. He spent a lot of time trying to get to know me.
He used every compliment that women love to hear, including “you are so special”,” “you are so smart”, and “you have great genetics”. He even complimented my fashion sense.
These compliments are so cheap!
However, I felt he was full and I knew he didn’t see me differently from any other girl in that gym.
So, I tried him out when he asked me to go out again.
“I know that you have a thing to do with me. You must have good taste because you only want me out, and not anyone .”
His body language changed instantly. He took a step back and his decisiveness in his actions slowed down a bit.
He quickly recovered from the awkwardness and attempted to justify his actions. He stated:
“Of course I have the best taste in women. I take only perfect 10s out. I only care about you .”
This was the moment in which I disclosed his true intent. It was his body language, and it was openly revealed to us both!
He saw me as the same young woman, but he tried his best to sound like he had only eyes for me.
His body language was a sign of his intentions. He tried to conceal it with his words but I saw his desperate wandering eyes as he walked through the gym, “doing his work out”.
He began to back off at that point.
Sign #10 – He has Rules About When You Can Reach Him and Where You Can Meet Him
If he refuses to let you call him at specific times or you only get to see him in certain places (like at your home, hotel room, etc), then it’s likely that he doesn’t want any more than what you have.
Do You Feel entitled To His Resources even if there are Signs a Married Man is Using You
We’ve identified all signs a married man is using you, but there’s one thing I want to share with you, woman to lady.
I have seen too many mistresses in the past 12 years for a married man not to want his wife.
Sometimes men will leave their wives to find the mistress. Most of the time they don’t.
Two ways to view this situation or, as I prefer to say, two lenses to evaluate it.
- It is possible to see the “moral compass lens” as follows:
“How dare you date or sleep with a married man? You don’t own him !”
This is a common way of thinking. There’s another way to see it.
- The second lens, or “real world” or “value” lens, is the second.
It goes like this:
We all gravitate to those who provide the greatest value.
If someone is in a relationship with someone who isn’t adding any value, doesn’t care about them or just got lazy and complacent, there will always be poachers out to take your lover.
This is something I can vouch for as a happily married woman.
If you have high-value men and high-value women you can expect poachers wanting to take your love at some point.
(Slowly – it wouldn’t be fun for a woman to have a man that other women don’t want)
Here’s what I think about it…
My job as a married woman is to “check in” often to make sure I am meeting my husband’s needs. It is my responsibility to not take him for granted, and not to get complacent.
There are many other women who would love to have him away from me.
He deserves my total commitment to bringing what he sees value in.
This is not a fair world. We are not entitled to become a “taker” just because we have attracted a partner.
But are You, The Mistress, or The “Taker?”
It’s not only the wives who become lazy and takers in a relationship, however.
It has mistresses, too.
Truth be told, many times, the mistress enters into an “affair”, just to have a little bit of her own.
Some mistresses don’t stop to think about the consequences of their actions, or how valuable she was to the man they love.
So, my question is: Is this still about a married woman using me?
Are you able to offer more value to him than his wife?
Is it not true that he uses you?
You are using him (at great danger to him, his spouse and his children as well as to yourself) to feel a certain way or gain a certain thing.
For your own fulfillment and happiness, I urge you to move forward in your relationship life.
In particular, I urge you to think about these things:
- You are not a victim. You get what you accept in relationships, strictly speaking.
- You will be less likely in sticky situations to come if you lead with value and add value to those you love first.
- You should never expect him to divorce his wife.
- Never again get caught in the ‘one and only’ trap of men. It’s as simple to be the ‘one of many’ woman. You don’t have to compete with men’s wives (or with future women who might want to steal your husband’s heart).
You are worthy of unconditional love, devotion, and total commitment. When You are the kind of woman that inspires men to be like you.
Your job is to instill emotional commitment in men. feel.
If you don’t encourage men to feel emotions, then You will always be the one woman who is loved by all.
Although it was tough love, we all need it at times.